Coffee With ChrissyInspiring Stories
The Journey of Hope
Life is a journey, and the path is ever-changing - winding its way past gentle streams of peace and joy, and at other times, traversing sharp rocky outcrops
of hurt and sadness. Lisa Phillips shares her own personal journey, which began in the valley of despair, but led to the mountain of hope...
Turning 40 this year has found me renewed in hope, life and love, encouraged to not fear the future with its unknown quantities, nor regret the past with its disappointments and pains or forget that each moment, with all the emotions it can bring, can be enjoyed to its max!
The Absence of Hope
Albury, NSW was the place that I entered my life. I was born into a working class family who I am sure at that time had hopes and dreams of their own. Life though, processed them through its ups and downs, and four years after my birth found my Dad and Mum desperately trying to keep their somewhat volatile relationship together. My father was a heavy drinker and a man of his own opinions, my mother a scared woman with a desperate need for love. Divorce was inevitable for them.
My mother and half-sister and I moved to a small country town, looking for a new start, but the ripples of the past with all its anger, hurts and poor decisions shook the very foundation I walked on. My mother, to protect her own fragile emotions and possibly even hoping to protect me, told us my father had died. How did this affect me? Even now I can't really remember, but I do know that as life continued, I would swing in and out of certain joys I experienced to lows and thoughts of planned suicide.
My mother worked full time, and as a result was scarcely home; for her it was important she absorb herself in work. She had a son nine years after I was born, with the duty of care falling to me, as her busy lifestyle rendered her unable to care for my brother. My half-sister was heavily affected by our circumstances; she roller-coasted from the age of ten in and out of girls homes and prisons and was dangerously involved in drugs. She even attempted suicide a number of times.
Those times were difficult. My mother was emotionally exhausted and moody. I remember at this time I made a decision that I was not going to stay at home forever, that there must be more that life could have in store for me. My dad miraculously reappeared but the lengthy separation had worn its path, and he chose to live his own separate life and not have any further contacting with us.
Hope Springs Forth
At the completion of my final year of school, I applied for a teacher's degree at university and was successful. This opened up a whole new life with, with eased circumstances my life entered and new phase. At this time I was determined to climb up the career ladder of success and strove to do my best and be the best in everything I did. My career was soaring, but deep within I knew I was covering up my somewhat fragile and shaky life's foundations.
It was then that I discovered a deep faith in God, and found refuge in a wonderful church and a very caring team of pastors, which gave me solid ground I could place my feet on and support in my future years. I also met and married a wonderful man, and we began a family and were blessed with four precious children.
Hope is Tested
Shortly after the birth of our fourth child, we were informed that he was born with a life threatening illness. This marked the beginning of many operations, appointments and procedures, which meant much emotional stress, and the added burden of having to juggle our young family's needs. Approximately twelve months after the initial diagnosis, we were welcomed with the joy of our son's complete healing. This was wonderful, but I found myself fluctuating between deep depths of despair and soaring to heights of extreme energy and nervousness. This continued for a short while before I realized I was actually suffering the effects of post partum depression.
I experienced many strange feelings and emotions at this time. With my social life degenerating and my eating habits becoming spasmodic, the so-needed nutrition my body was craving at this time could not be met. I remember feeling just so desperate, wondering what could be my problem, and being constantly overwhelmed with hopelessness.
Some days I felt I was just unable to cope, experiencing feelings of total confusion and loss of control; other days I just could not pull myself out of a dull, lifeless sensation. This illness manages to show itself with symptoms of helplessness and hopelessness, of dread and fear. In fact the name 'depression' is just how you can feel - pressed down by life and its circumstances. Combined with the unresolved issues from my past, it affected the quality of my life in every area possible. However, I vividly remember determining not to not give up on my faith in God, and found caring friends who reached out literally and drew me out of my great pit of despair. I was reassured everything was going to be okay, that I could get well, and that hope was not lost.
In time, with prescribed medication and a caring support group, my situation improved and I found myself finally being able to cope with everyday life I accepted that there were many things in my life I was unable to change, but instead needed to embrace and accept as part of my life's journey.
Hope Abides
Six years on from my initial diagnosis of suffering from anxiety and depression, I have discovered I have so much more of life ahead of me. After I began to experience healing from my symptoms I did make gradual changes in my life, and have continued to experience joy and peace. I also determined not to allow the years of my early life to 'eat away' the experience of my present life. I found that the present life that I have is, as it is said, a 'present', a gift from God.
How liberating to believe that there is still hope, hope for healing of the past, hope for enjoying each day, and hope for an exciting future. Finally at 40, life does begin.
Magazines are available FREE at Gloria Jean outlets and other various stores throughout Melbourne Metro & Victoria. Or email your postcode to us, and we will direct you to your nearest outlet.
